Hide and Seek
by CornflowerBlue
Summary: When Gon suddenly leaves, Killua is devastated. With nothing but a letter and a sackload of memories to bind them, Killua embarks on a new search, to find his best friend. KxG,KuxLe Chapter 4 is on! Please R&R!
1. Goodbye

**Hello! This is my first HxH fic. I just love this anime, and I couldn't resist making a fanfic on it. Don't worry, I will be finishing the Gokusen fic. I just wrote this down in case I forget.**

**I was in the middle of doing my assignment when I did this and I wasn't really able to edit it. I said I'd edit it when I find some spare time, and now I do, so I did. Please point out my errors, should you still find any anyway. **

**This will be a pretty long fic, basically 10-20 chaps, no more (hey, that's long enough for me). I am determined to finish this one, too. So please have patience with me if I cannot update immediately. Because I will. That is a promise. I don't like breaking promises.**

**Anyways, let's move on! Here's the prologue! I hope you like it. And please don't forget to review! I won't know if it is worth anything if you don't.**

**Disclaimers: The usual. HxH could only be owned by its sick mangaka. I hope he gets well soon!**

* * *

**Hide and Seek**

**I. Goodbye**

_How could everything feel so cold?_

_Distant?_

_Surreal?_

_Illuminated by the much coveted sun, I thrived and clung_

_Spoilt by that heat, that warmth._

_Now the light has gone._

_And I am no better than the_

_Filth which scrounge the earth._

The note hung limply between trembling pale fingers. When it slipped unheedingly from the loose grip, the thin paper fell in a lazy pendulum motion and, hitting the cracked red cement, was consumed in flames before imploding, disappearing without a single speck or trace. It was a letter infused with Nen; the hidden message would appear when touched by the intended Nen-user, could be read only by using Gyo, and would self-destruct when released by the holder.

The reader of the message, a pale sixteen year old with a shock of fiery white hair, could well remember the day his best friend theorized the makings of the exploding telegram. He remembered the cheerful voice, the excited expression as he rattled off with the possibility, making him feel mutually excited as well. But their missions during the past months coupled with the never-ending search for his father made their schedules erratic. He never managed to actually create an output. Watching the paper disappear, a tiny surge of pride pushed through the young heir of the Zaoldyeck family; Gon Freecs never failed to amaze him, not once in the travels and pursuits they spent in the last four years. But the feeling was immediately quelled by the ice-cold burst of realization. Killua won't be congratulating him, won't be slapping his back in appreciation, won't be laughing merrily with him; in fact, it seems that they won't be braving dangers together, won't be worrying and fussing over each other, won't be complimenting, commenting, remarking on each others skills. There won't be any of those any more.

No more bickering.

No more light and serious conversations.

No more friendly rivalry.

No more endless trainings together.

And…

No more whispered conversations while watching the moonlight.

No more afternoons with those comforting arms wrapped loosely over his shoulder.

No more nights staring peaceably at each other, tired bodies entangled…

A shudder passed through his insides, killing his body of feeling, of movement. The avalanche of "no mores" was system breakdown. But his clouded brain had not had enough torture. It ticked off three more in its list, so basic and yet so full, in sheer masochistic glory.

No more warmth.

No more sun.

No more Gon.

Killua's eyes widened and he suddenly found his numb body jumping out of the window; nine floors didn't matter anyway. The moment his feet touched solid dirt, he plummeted off, sending his energy radar in all directions. Anger, indignation, irritation, despair seemed to pulsate through his veins. 'No more Gon' was unacceptable. He would find him. And he would punch the living daylights out of him, tie him down on a fifty ton chair with ten-ton chains, and never ever let him loose.

If he found him. He cursed furiously beneath his breath, pumping his legs faster. "Damn it! Where the hell are you, you idiot!"

The glowing golden scrawl which half-blinded him and recreated itself vividly in his memories. He seemed to be reading the letter again as he ran, this time he imagined Gon's own voice as though hearing him say the fateful words himself…

_**Killua. You must be mad at me. You must hate me. I know if I told you about leaving that you'd stop me. You'd say it's unnecessary, that I'm being foolish. I honestly think I am, too. **_

_**The years we spent together on adventures and on searching for Ging were the best times in my life. But these past few weeks I've been realizing some things. Last week especially. You've helped me so much, taught me a lot of things. You're my best friend, Killua, and a lot more. I am a selfish person. And I've been pulling you down.**_

_**I guess I'm like Ging. Like him, I've forgotten how other people would feel because of my own selfish reasons. Now I know. It'd be great to be together forever, but I've decided: I'll stop being selfish and leave so you could have a better life. I know you'll be wanting to meet me; I don't want to meet you. If we do meet, I don't think I can stop myself from being selfish again, so I'll do my best to be two steps ahead of you. **_

_**Thank you for the memories, Killua. I will miss you. I'm sorry.**_

"You stupid, simple-minded idiot!" he shouted. People he whizzed by stared at him as though he were a mad man. Fuck them! Who cares anyway? Reinforcement people are generally simple-minded—where did he get that shit? _Pulling me down, selfishness—what the hell was he talking about anyway? _

_**Last week especially.**_

The Hunter stopped dead in his tracks.

"Illumi!" he roared. Luckily, he was in an abandoned playground but he could care less if it were the opposite. He called again, infusing his voice with Nen as he learned to do during his travels and trainings with Gon. He suddenly sensed the familiar presence and looked to his right sharply. "I know you're watching, Illumi. Come out."

Ten meters from him, a pale hand poked out of the earth, followed by a whole arm, head, shoulders, torso and then the rest of the body. With a sigh, the eldest Zaoldyeck dusted away tiny particles of brown which clung to his outfit.

"You called, little brother?" His eyes remained as lifeless as ever despite the pert tone he used. A long time ago, Killua would have sweated, backed down from such an intimidating figure and aura. But the years and practice elevated his power, bringing him to a much mature level. Hisoka would have called him early ripened fruit; Bisuke would have preferred polished Sapphire gem. No matter the analogies, he was definitely stronger and better than the twelve year old assassin he had grown out of. He wasn't perfectly ripe yet, or faultlessly polished but battle experience over the years greatly improved his strength, speed and stamina. His potentials were definitely reached, though not fully; he knew he'd be able to fight Illumi on equal footing, if not more.

"Where is Gon?" he growled, clenching his morphing hands. "What did you tell him?"

The effeminate man placed his finger on his lower lip in mock thought. "Gon? Ah, he's that—_friend_ of yours, is he not?"

"Don't play dumb on me! You told him something last week!"

* * *

_The meeting place was Central Park. The duo's mission was retrieving a priceless artifact of the Cambrian period, the Fossilized Trilobite. It was guarded by several pro-Hunters in the classiest museum in the city, Jay Di Arr Museum. Wanting to avoid conflict (mainly wanting to avoid hurting the innocent pro-Hunters) they decided to split; Gon would distract the guards while Killua would opt to steal the target. _

_The Zaoldyeck flexed his neck, left to right, as he jumped nimbly out of the air vent. The mission was just too easy. He wished he could be the one to do the distracting; Gon always had the most fun. Grinning victoriously at the valve which contained the Trilobite (it's just too gnarled, _he mused_. How could anyone want it?), he planned what he would be doing with his 2 Billion share. Chocolates were always a must. Killua also wanted to try the new fudgey flavor his favorite ice cream shop released; of course he'd be dragging Gon with him—he'll be paying for his own cone—and then maybe they could take a break and go to that amusement park they passed earlier…_

_Gon was already at the Central Park, he could feel it. The close bond he shared with Gon created a connection between them; he always felt his presence instinctively, and vise versa. He swore incredulously; how could he have outrun him? He frowned and closed his eyes to sharpen his senses. There also seemed to be a separate presence aside from his partner. Blinking, he raced faster. The park lights soon gleamed into view._

_Indeed, Gon was there, and as he surmised, he was not alone._

_Illumi was there._

"_Gon!" he called out, running towards the dark-haired Reinforcement user. But he seemed not to hear; there was a strange expression on his face as he looked at his brother. It was not fear, nor anger. It was purely an expression of great shock and anguish. For some reason, Killua felt himself growing afraid and angry for Gon—what is his brother doing here?_

_Finally reaching the lean teenager, Killua placed a protective hand on his shoulder. This woke Gon from his reverie, and he looked away from Illumi, meeting the other's worried gaze with his anxious ones. "Gon, are you all right?" Before Gon could answer, he already turned angrily at his brother. It had been years since he met Illumi and he had not changed. Even the outlandish outfit was sickeningly the same. "What do you want?"_

"_Is that how we taught you to greet family? Really, father would be disappointed," he smiled joylessly. Eyes fixated onto Gon, he continued. "Such disappointment, Killua. You could have had the world at your feet, too."_

"_Shut up! We have no business with you. Come on, Gon." When the teen refused to move, Killua grabbed his arm and forcefully dragged him off. _

_But Illumi wasn't finished yet. "Remember…"_

"'_Remember' what?" said Killua, pausing a moment to look back. He regretted it immediately; a cold gleam was set on his marble-black orbs, effectively sending shivers to his spine. _

"_Just…remember." And with that last faint murmur, he walked off into the opposite direction, disappearing in the darkness. _

* * *

Since that night, Gon seemed oddly quiet and contemplative. When he had asked Gon what happened, he would answer with a large reassuring grin, "Nothing. He was just looking for you."

Killua was not convinced, yet he thought that Gon would tell him if it were something important. He felt so stupid now.

"Illumi! What did you tell Gon that night?" he demanded.

Lips curling maliciously, he whispered. "I told him nothing big. Only the truth."

"What do you mean—"

"I meant what I said. _Only the truth_."

"You—" Killua's blood ran cold as realization hit him. Knowing Gon…if he knew…he would definitely...

Illumi observed him and clucked his tongue in mock sympathy. "Well then, I'll be leaving you to woe here. But don't woe too long. It wouldn't be—"

"I'll find him." His voice came quietly from his bowed head.

Cocking a brow, the other man mused, lacing his voice with Nen. Weak moments were ideal targets. "Find him? That's quite impossible for you. You can't do it. You'll never find—"

There was a sudden burst of energy and Illumi stepped back. "I'll find Gon!" The expression on Killua's face was full of anger and determination; his dilating pupils were as beetle-black's as his brother's. "I don't care what you say! No one will tell me what to do! Not anymore! I'll find him—no matter how long it takes! I _WILL _find Gon!"

This time, it was Killua who left first, bolting past the stunned Illumi. When the younger one's presence was gone, the man recovered and chuckled lightly. "We'll see, my foolish brother. _We'll see._"

Killua ran furiously, mind racing, chest pumping too quickly in too much adrenaline, too much emotion. Yet he didn't stop. His thoughts were fixated on one thing, one goal.

_You didn't even say good-bye there. I won't be accepting this! There won't be a good bye! I will find you, Gon! I __**will!**_

* * *

**So?! Tell me, how was it? Please? See the teeny button over there? When you press it, you get to review—guess who?—yes! Me! So please press that button. I'm just a teeny click away!**


	2. A Melancholic Happy Birthday

**This is shorter than the last one. Again, I wrote this on a bit of a hurry (Assignments, reports, the like--you know it! So troublesome). I'll drop by to proofread it when I have time.**

**So, chapter 2 is here! I think I may be guilty of being OOC in places here and there--being OOC kinda terrifies me, but in my story, it is necessary. This story, after all, deals with more mature HxH chars (I mean, a LOT can happen in 4 years. Really). More chars will come into next chaps--meaning this will be a bit long, as I've suggested in the prologue!**

**My thanks for NekoRyuko for being the first review--and quite a long and meaningful review at that one, too. Hey, I hope you update your story, too. Do you have more stories? I really enjoy the way you write. Thanks also to kirua, SilveryKitsune, and firedraygon for your encouragement.**

* * *

**A Melancholic Happy Birthday**

_Why remember the day_

_I came to this world_

_When all this world had to offer_

_Was a mountain of pain?_

Earth crunched beneath his boots. It was dark in that particular region of the forest, yet the teenager hiked unfalteringly through the irregular terrain. Putting his nose up in the misty evening air, Gon Freecs closed his eyes, carefully taking in the scents and sounds around him. His ears perked up for a minute, much like an excitable dog, and detected only a few wild but harmless wolves. Panting sounds from one and a half kilometer away told him that there was a rare breed of hyenas lurking around the area and he smiled; he'll be glad to befriend them in the morning. The smell of the wood was welcoming, too; perfectly safe to stay for the night.

The black-haired tan youth piled some leaves onto a favorable spot, pulled out a thin blanket from his back pack and laid above his self-made cushion. Fortunately, there was a river nearby so that he was able to wash himself. Fish were plentiful in those waters; normally, he would have whipped out his fishing rod and settled for some catch. But he didn't. His honest heart didn't feel doing anything remotely like that. Instead, after staring at the peacefully sloshing waters for a few minutes, he went back up to the clearing and curled on top of his blanket.

It was cold. And for some reason, he seemed to cling on to that cold as he made no move to light himself a private campfire. He didn't even bother to warm himself with Nen. Gon breathed the cool sharpness and tried to remember. He didn't have to try hard; the smell of crushed mint and chocolate seemed to clog itself into his nose. A lone tear forced itself out of his tightly closed lids.

"Happy birthday, Killua."

An owl cawed dolefully into the night.

* * *

"_Killua? What's the matter?"_

_The pale boy who had just turned thirteen stared at the large chocolate cake sitting on their hotel desk. There was a storm outside, and Killua had just emerged from said storm, armed with the groceries Gon had asked him to get. Clearly, he didn't expect to be surprised when he returned to their room; his blank and dazed expression spoke volumes._

_Gon frowned; this wasn't exactly the reaction he expected. He tried again. "Killua…I'm sorry I lied to you about the groceries—well, not exactly lied because we really do need to fill our stomachs somehow; though I didn't exactly tell you the truth—it really wasn't the main reason why, but I've been planning for your birthday, you know, and I didn't know how to—"_

_His nervous ramblings were cut short as the young Zaoldyeck wordlessly enveloped him in a tight hug. Killua hid his face in the base of Gon's shoulder, mouth pressed to the white cotton fabric that the tan boy donned that day. "No one…really remembered my birthday, much. I was even…ordered to kill someone my last—"_

"_Shh," murmured the Reinforcement user as he rested his cheeks against the white embers. "I remember your birthday. I'm sure if Leorio and Kurapica were here, they'd be celebrating it with us. By the way, they sent their gifts—they were sorry they couldn't come though." He gestured slightly to the small stack of treasures on the bed. Killua didn't look; instead, his grip around the teen intensified. Gon smiled, understanding what his friend needed to hear, to know. Bending over the other, he returned the intensity of the embrace and closely to his ear. "I won't be going anywhere. For as long as I'm here, you will never celebrate your birthday alone—_you'll never be alone_."_

_Slowly, Killua nodded. Gon felt wetness on his shoulder yet didn't move; he knew how the other hated being seen crying. "Thanks for this, Gon."_

"_A-ah. And Killua?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Happy birthday, again, Killua."_

* * *

It has been three weeks since he left his best friend. He had always thought that it would be unbearable to not have Killua beside him; he didn't expect it to be _this _unbearable.

Gon knew he had broken his promise; and that fact that he had broken his word almost broke his simple heart, too. A small sad smile reached his mouth but not his eyes, if just for a moment. What was important was that Killua was safe—and he, selfish Gon Freecs, won't be there to drag him down. He closed his eyes and fell into uneasy sleep, hoping that the gift for Killua he mailed via crow three days ago would reach the Zaoldyeck in time.

_I'm sorry, Killua..._

* * *

Killua lay on the hard, cold bed, facing the ceiling of the room he and Gon shared just three weeks ago. Now he was gone. And there was no one to share it with, not even his shadow. He had searched for him all over the highs and lows of the city, and found nothing. He went asking for information, surfing through the Hunter sites, contacting various people—to no avail. Last week, he gave up and chose to do as Illumi suggested: mope. But with the weight of his loss, he was sure he wouldn't be able to do it in a short span of time. He had been lying on the same bed, facing the same ceiling for 7 days straight, without a single drop of water to drink, a crumb of food to feed on.

He was so engrossed in the emptiness of his own world that he didn't even notice a small black crow swoop in the room. Only when it squawked did he shake out of his reverie; by then the bird was already flying out to the dim horizon, disappearing to the night and stars.

Eyes adjusting to the dark, he saw the package which was left on the table. The Nen-user's throat clogged, he could hardly breathe. He recognized the messy wrapping—heck, he could almost smell, feel Gon on it. Hands shaking, he—oh, so slowly—pulled out the tapes and wraps and folded it neatly in a corner.

All the bright covering gone, Killua stared at the rectangular piece in his hands: it was a chocolate bar. And not only that—it was his favorite chocolate brand, too, the expensive and rare Z_hocolát. _The one that he had been craving and wanting and whining after endlessly; he didn't even know Gon was actually, really listening. Turning it over carefully, his shocked expression blanked out: there was a message.

_Happy Birthday, Killua. Please be okay. G._

For a moment, the pale teen, now seventeen years of age, stared. As the enormity of the situation struck him, his face crumpled into a sob.

"Idiot. You didn't keep your promise, and yet—no—I won't give up—I should not." Leaning down and touching the squishy bar onto his forehead, he swore. "I'll find you, ok, Gon? I'm sorry for this...but I will. I will, and I won't be letting you go."

* * *

**Sorry for the unusual amount of fluff and angst, but hey, there's my genre--says Romance/Angst. So there. **

**Please review. I'd love to hear what you think.**


	3. Bittersweet

**Hello! Thanks for the reviews! I really appreciated them all, especially since they were all very long and meaningful. I'll try my best to give justice to HxH, such a wonderful anime as it is with its excellent mangaka. Here is the 3rd chap! I've recently just edited this (I'm truly sorry for this habit of mine of updating before editing. Hope you understand, though.) The usual disclaimers apply. Should there still be any errors, please notify me immediately. Thanks again! Read and Enjoy! **

* * *

**III. Bittersweet**

_Life and death_

_Love and strife_

_Light and night_

_Like the darkest and purest of chocolates_

_Warming, cleaving_

_Tempting and joining_

_You and I_

_Oh! Bittersweet tension!_

The grim and determined expression on the Zaoldyeck's face made his youthful features both beautiful and daunting. He walked through the crowded and stuffy streets, unfazed by the heat of the basking sun or the dozens of lustful looks. Darthwhite, a red-light district in the Fine Isles, was by no means dangerous to normal folk. Which of course, far excluded him. Though he had fine distaste for such dank places, his search compelled him to.

_Gon, I wonder what you're doing right now. _

Gon Freecs' gift told him two things. First, the other boy did not hate him for anything that Illumi had told him. Although he wasn't exactly sure up to _what extent _his brother had revealed. The eldest's elusiveness was enough clue; all of this was plotted carefully from the start. The thought chilled him to the core. Killua knew Illumi enough to know that he wouldn't act without the family's orders, which meant that this whole plan of separation, whatever it was, was approved by his father. For a moment, he felt a tiny stab of fear; defying the eldest meant defying his father, and that was a screaming declaration of all-out war with his own family. He knew they wouldn't do anything to him since he was the chosen heir, but he doubted if they would do nothing to people he cared for; specifically Gon.

He wasn't sure what he would do if Gon was hurt because of his family's fury. Worse would be if he was no where to protect him. Killua shook his head in attempt to lighten his fears and focused on finding his way through the musty and impoverished streets.

There was only one possible place where Gon could have bought the chocolate. After all, _Zhocolát _could only be found in Belgae, a long street of chocolate stores in the isle. Since it was the best-produced chocolate (_as was recognized by chocolate experts, and myself_, he had pompously told Gon once. He winced mentally; the remembrance was painful) the first owner, an old, somewhat ancient man, refused to sell the recipe and gave it as an heirloom to his descendants. But that was another story; the point is, there was no franchise or other outlets, and since the shop prided itself in especially making chocolates for their buyers, it was impossible to mail-order. However, Belgae street was precisely at the middle of that isle, an area encompassed by red-light districts, and it was difficult and bothersome just to reach that destination.

_And he went to all this trouble, _he thought absently dodging a drunk man lying on the sidewalk. He knew Gon would do practically anything for him. _But why leave me now, Gon? _

Killua turned a corner and was faced by a long lane, far cleaner than the one he had been walking through. Flashy signs and boards of chocolate stores blinked before him; he was near his destination. He increased his pace, hoping, just hoping somehow, that he could finally feed on some extra information, something that would point out Gon's current whereabouts. He really didn't expect Gon to be anywhere near, still…

_There! _He spotted the winding Belgae street and instinctively ran, until he saw an old and tiny shop, with _Zhocolát _drawn artistically through the frosted panes. He halted before he could crash through the door and excitedly opened the door.

A tiny tinkling welcomed his presence.

For its prestige, the place was really small and simple, but the faint smell of chocolate along with the antique wood seemed to sing in triumph. The foundation of the shop, he knew, was infused with nen, which was the reason for its sturdiness. He had been here once, with Gon, and he was glad its silent elegance was unchanged.

"Yes? May I help you?" came a soft decrepit voice. A wrinkled man emerged from behind the curtains beyond the counter. His glasses shimmered even in the dim lighting; Killua smiled.

"Hello, Mr. Arthurio," he greeted. "I'm not sure if you remember me but…"

"Ah, of course I do, my dear boy!" replied the old man, a tiny smile on his ancient face. "I hardly ever forget my best customers—and I really wouldn't even if I could. Not with your brilliant aura. Not to mention its meeting a Zaoldyeck is a rare occurrence."

"Oh," was the only thing Killua managed to answer. Gathering his wits, he replied. "Then…surely, you remember the one I was with the last time?"

"Yes, that golden-hearted boy, bless the child!" he nodded sagely. "Gon Freecs, was he not? He came here a few weeks ago. I wondered why he wasn't with you…" The man peered at Killua's reaction through his large spectacles; the pale teen seemed to go paler still, his mouth pursed in a thin line. A grandfather's clock gonged from somewhere yet the air remained strangely still between them. Finally, Mr. Arthurio opened the counter door and took the Zaoldyeck's arm gently.

"Come, my child. You seem deeply troubled. I won't ask you what it is, but at least let me serve you some hot chocolate—the best there is, I daresay—at least to make you feel better. I will tell you all about Gon's visit. I'm sure you will want to hear it?"

Killua nodded dimly and followed the older man thankfully inside the house. But his mind was flying elsewhere; a much different time, and a different visit under different circumstances...

* * *

_"Why do we have to run from them!" whined Killua. "That'd be much easier!" _

_They were running from a mob of persistent nen-users/gangsters. They had been searching for the famous chocolate shop when they encountered the bullies. Because they looked like mere kids, they taunted them; one even had the nerve to touch Gon's head. Gon, in an easy and forgiving mood, didn't mind. Killua, irritated by their manners and suspecting their perversion, had kicked one of them (the leader, perchance) which led to the chase._

_"Because there are too many people here—it might cause a traffic if we leave them lying around."_

_Killua snorted at the comment; really, Gon had a neat sense of humor even without trying. "Then let's choose some empty corner to pile them."_

_"Well," considered Gon for a moment. "That could be okay. But it wouldn't be fair on them."_

_The Transformation user rolled his eyes at the comment but saw his best friend's point. There really wasn't much satisfaction beating up small fry anyway._

_"Here!" they rapidly turned a corner and saw a wooden door—carved and owning modest frosted panes. For a moment, he wondered how such an elegant door could be situated in a slummy area, but his hesitation died as soon as it came. He pulled at Gon's arm before he could run ahead and made a grab for the door. To ensure their concealment, Killua pushed his companion behind the large barrels._

_"They disappeared, b—" came one wimpy voice._

_"YA DAMN IDIOTS! How the fuck could yah lose tho' gits?"_

_"Dunno, boss. But we was real' lookin'—"_

_"FIND 'EM!"_

_The commotion receded as heavy footsteps left the area. Killua let out a sigh of relief. Then, he punched Gon's head reprovingly._

_"Oww! Killua!" This time, it was the tanned 13-year old's turn to mope. "What was that for?"_

_"That was for being too nice. That guy was seriously hitting on you."_

_"But he was harmless enough!" he pouted. "And I thought he was being nice—giving us directions—"_

_"—in the opposite direction?" replied Killua exasperatedly. "Probably towards a brothel—"_

_"Killua! _That's_ not nice!"_

_"Gon—how could you be so…" he trailed off and looked away. No matter how worried and angry he is, he couldn't seem to express himself. Killua knew how jeopardizing this behavior was, especially in someone so innocent. How could someone so strong and brave be so innocent and naïve at the same time?_

_Isn't that precisely why he befriended you? Because he is innocent and naïve? His stomach churned as the usual pang of insecurity plagued him. You know he'd befriend even a rabid viper if he saw one. How could you be better?_

_The answer eluded him._

_"Killua?" There was a concerned look on Gon's face. He pursed his lips in worry and guilt. "I'm really—"_

_"Who is there?" They both jumped. They didn't notice that there was another door behind them. Lost in their argument, they didn't notice how loud their voices were, nor did they notice the approaching presence in their occupation. The door slammed open before they could hide. A bespectacled old man wearing striped low-end trousers and a faded shirt appeared before them._

_Instead of becoming angry, he smiled at them. "My, my. You boys argue so loudly. Why don't you settle it upstairs with some hot chocolate? That really does me good."_

_

* * *

"It's such a coincidence that we came by your cellar!" blurted Gon as he sipped his warm chocolate drink. _

_Fiodor Arthurio laughed softly. "Yes, indeed. Fine Isles is such a gigantic maze. It's an accomplishment for tourists to make it here in one piece without any assistance."_

_"It's a good thing no one tries to enter your house forcefully," said Killua without touching his own offered mug. Gon cast him a strange look but he merely shrugged. His earlier thoughts quenched his excitement, no matter how fantastic the whole thing was. However, Mr. Arthurio seemed to empathize for some reason and nodded simply._

_"Naturally, there were some attempted burglaries, but they never succeed." Gon turned his attention back to the old man; even Killua looked up questioningly._

_"Ah, I see. You didn't notice. Well then! Look around you. What do you see?" he gestured wide at his simple mahogany-furnished kitchen. "I daresay you need not look long…"_

_Both nen-users did as was told and gasped. "Everything…" whispered Gon. "Nen-infusion."_

_"This," said Killua as he stood up to inspect the walls; they warmed to his touch. "Had been woven very intricately. And the nen here is old, but still strong."_

_"Yes, it should be," said the man wryly. That is the reason why no unwelcome visitors could enter this place even if they wanted to."_

_"But who…?"_

_"My great-great grandfather used to be an epicure hunter before he settled down to make the Zhocolát. Because many rivals wanted to get his recipe, he felt it necessary to fortify the walls. One could enter only through the front door."_

_"But then," protested Gon. "The back—"_

_"Yes, the door to the cellar was a different case. Only seasoned nen-users who are experts at Gyo could see it."_

_"You also know nen?"_

_He smiled and placed a fingertip at the rim of his own chocolate-filled mug; the creamy froth clinging to the sides moved in a tight circle towards the middle. "Can you guess what?"_

_"Manipulation," said Gon in awe._

_"Yes. Along with our recipe, we were taught the basics of nen. It was up to us if wanted to learn more. Now, enough talk! You should both finish your chocolates…"_

_Killua, who had returned back to his seat, interrupted. "But how did you—"_

_"—know if you could be trusted?" finished Mr. Arthurio. Killua hesitated before nodding. His mind was churning; for him it was simply too burdening a question. He felt Gon's penetrating gaze at him before it shifted back to Zhocolát's owner._

_The old man leaned back on his creaky rattan and pushed his fingertips together. "That is a question which only you can answer yourself."_

_Silence. Then, Gon's soft yet vibrant voice pierced the tension before it could even accumulate. "Thank you for trusting us, sir."_

_Mr. Arthurio nodded at the young teenager's earnest expression and smiled in empathy at Killua. "Well then! Since you are special and rare visitors, I insist you spend the night here. I won't take 'no' for an answer." He stood up. "I'll go and prepare you some of my honeyed chocolate buns—a delicacy, if I must say it without conceit."_

_The two were left alone. Killua wrapped his fingers around the warm ceramic mug but the coldness within him relented. That single doubt seemed to ice his insides._

_How could you trust me, Gon? _

_He was so deeply ensnared by this sole thought that he didn't notice outward movement, didn't hear the sound of someone standing and walking towards him. His reverie, however, snapped when a pair of arms wrapped themselves around his shoulder from behind. And as though sharing one mind with him, Gon answered in sincere and gentle softness which thawed the icicles within him._

_"I trust you, Killua."_

_His voice cracked. "But—"_

_"Simply because you are Killua, and Killua deserves to be trusted." Gon's answer was so simple it awed the ex-assassin. He removed his hands from the mug and placed them over Gon's; the warmth from his companion's hand was all reassurance he had been seeking after all…_

* * *

"When he arrived here three weeks ago, he seemed bothered. Since I knew you were traveling together, I was curious. He truly seemed sad," Mr Arthurio paused a minute to lie more comfortably on his old chair. "Yet when I was finally compelled to inquire to your whereabouts, a determined gleam came over him. And he said, 'It's best.'" 

"He said that, really." Killua's voice was but a ghost's.

"Then he ordered one of my specials. I wondered why he didn't buy a whole box, for all his trouble coming all the way here. I even offered to give him a discount but he declined. I offered him to stay the night, too, but he declined that as well. Truly puzzling—that vibrant youngling has changed so much."

_He changed so suddenly I didn't even know if there was a change at all,_ brooded Killua. _Gon, can't you tell me? What made you leave me, Gon? _He raised his cup of choco-almond and sipped; it made him feel slightly better but, with a pang, knew he would be enjoying it more with Gon. "And…that was it? He left?"

"Yes…that was all."

"I see," was his answer, sounding as though he couldn't "see".

* * *

The mountain moss would have slipped a less nimble character, but Gon's childhood years spent mostly in the wild lent him gazelle-like grace. He jumped and climbed, from one large boulder to the next. When he was near the summit, he grabbed on to a protruding root and balanced himself sideways on one foot, throwing the rest of his body out to look. The sea was really beautiful, but from his place, he could easily view the island he had been traversing earlier. 

Fine Isles was really a fine and splendid looking place from a distance.

He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, trying to feel his best friend's Nen. But he knew that it was impossible; the power of the ocean was vast and could easily nullify his Gyo. But his never-failing intuition told him one thing: Killua was there. It was truly a good thing he jumped out of the island a day ago and had a head start. Gon's sigh was lost upon the whipping winds the altitude provided. He knew he told Killua in the letter that he would always try to be three steps ahead but it was too hard. Killua was his best friend, his comrade, his companion, and since the past year, a whole lot more.

_You are being selfish again, Gon Freecs, _he scolded. _You are acting just like your father. _

With a final wistful breath and a regretful last look at the island, he continued his climb with more fervor and didn't stop to look behind. One thought, however, made him pause for a moment.

_I wonder if he got my message?_

* * *

"I suggest you get out of hiding now, Karuto." 

Mr. Arthurio started and squinted at the pale-haired Zoaldyeck lounging with closed eyes in his sofa before asking. "Karuto? Who is he?"

When Killua opened his eyes, they were furiously black and icy. "Shut up. Stop manipulating the old man. If he dies, I _will_ kill you."

Suddenly, the old man collapsed on his chair like a puppet and from the walls, a slim form clad in a kimono appeared. An outsider would have mistaken the nen-user to be a pretty, amethyst-eyed lady, but Killua would have recognized Karuto anywhere. For one thing, it was obvious that their mother, Kikyo, still controlled her son's wardrobe. In addition to the garb, a thin lacy ribbon tied his shoulder-length hair back. Thankfully though, the kimono he wore was not flowery but plain violet, which bore striking match with his eyes.

"Hello, brother," he smiled, voice soft as he had been bred.

"Good. I would've blasted you if you didn't come out," said Killua coldly even as he observed that a silvery string was shimmering brightly and wrapped around his forefinger, connected to Mr. Arthurio's head. "What's that? Tricks Illumi lent you?" he sneered.

"Our brother did that, yes, but most of this was devised by me," he answered simply before frowning slightly. "I thought I hid myself perfectly."

"It was perfect," he admitted. "But I thought Mr. Arthurio's movements looked a little rusty and forced, and I noticed that his nen was disturbed. That usually happens when a person is trying to fight the manipulation. It is best if you use your…strings…while a person is deeply asleep first. Then, when you've mastered that, you'll be able to do that more easily with them awake."

"Ah. I will practice that. Thank you for instructing me, brother." Had this been different circumstances, Killua would have smiled, but he was extremely angry and frustrated. Originally, he had no quarrel with Karuto, but his actions were unforgivable. He knew the younger lad would hardly care if he caused mental injury to an old man, but interfering with his affairs…

"Illumi sent you. What do you want? And move your strings out of him _now._"

Without a word, Karuto obeyed; the man finally slumped more easily into his chair, still unconscious. Curiously, he stared at his elder brother as though willing to penetrate his thoughts. When Killua didn't enlighten him, he said. "You know what the family wants, brother. Why disobey?"

"I don't care what the family wants," Killua answered quietly. "I stopped caring a long time ago."

"Mama says it's because of those bad influences—"

Killua merely raised his brow; why should he be surprised? "Those 'bad influences' are my friends, if that's what you mean. And they've been better influence than any law or code I've learned from the family."

"You will fight the family for your friends? You will fight Father?"

The heir of the Zaoldyeck answered without hesitation. "I will avoid that until it happens. Should it come, I won't be backing down."

"Even Grandpa?"

"Yes…even Grandpa."

Karuto pursed his red lips, deep in thought. His brother saying that he would fight father boded that he was truly serious, but he would even fight Grandpa? Everyone in their family knew that Killua respected the formidable Zaoldyeck, perhaps much more than he did their father. Finally, he looked up. "You really…care for this Gon that much, brother."

It wasn't a question; his voice was simply lilted in awed tones. With a slight shake of his head, he pulled out something from his robes and held it out to Killua. "Your…_friend_...apparently left this to Mr. Arthurio."

Killua's eyes widened and lost their coldness. He slowly reached out and took the tiny package from Karuto. His hands deftly turned it a few times, checking it out for booby traps. Without opening the box, he already knew what was inside.

The older Zaoldyeck glared suspiciously at his younger sibling both with curiosity and suspicion. "Why are you—"

"'—giving that to me without resistance?'" he finished. Killua held his brother's gaze as the feminine teenager sighed.

"My orders were only to take whatever it is that Gon would be compelled to give you. No one told me I wasn't allowed to give it to you."

"They might punish you."

Karuto shrugged again. "You would have taken it from me forcibly. I will not fight a superior nemesis to lose."

Of course, that was the Zaoldyeck rule, mused Killua. It was amazing how, long ago, that rule had so much hold on him.

"I hope you're sure your—cause—is worth it, brother." And with that Karuto stepped back and disappeared into the wall from whence he appeared from. But he thought he could hear Killua's last determined words as he left:

_I am._

As Karuto materialized out of some old wooden bark outside of the city, he sighed again; an action he was certainly becoming quite fond of. He pulled out the empty slip of paper he had taken from the gift and concentrated his Nen into it to read:

_Killua, I'll be returning this to you. I know you'll be sad at receiving this but I had to. It would be harder for me to leave if I kept it with me. Take care of yourself._

He shook his head as the letter imploded; it would be no good if his brother gets more fueled by such a message. Having friends is really a dangerous business.

* * *

For a full minute, Killua stared at the box before opening the latch with the necessary amount of Nen. The carton fell away like falling petals, leaving in his hand a circular band. As he clasped it in his fingers he could almost remember the immediate heat it had conducted as it touched Gon's skin, the wide and frank smile that tanned face flashed at him when he had received it. 

"Gon...this, too. Why?" he asked out loud. Only Gon could answer his questions.

Shaking his head, he tended to the unconscious old man lying exhaustedly on the sofa. He groaned; there would be some explaining to do.

* * *

**Please review! Thanks!**


	4. Swift Contact

_After a very, very long hiatus, I return! My mental and emotional strength has been sapped and drained these past few months, and I couldn't even lift a few neurons to produce a grain of creativity. Studying in a university could get you that. Somehow, I finished with this chapter. I really wasn't able to edit this one (as usual) so if there are any errors, etc, please tell me so that I may take care of 'em. When I have time again, I'll be editing and updating this. Don't worry, because I will finish this one, I swear. Though this fic is quite depressing, I still hope you have fun reading. Heehee._

**Disclaimer: **HxH could never be mine. Even in an alternate universe, that'd still be impossible. Gah! I hope Togashi gets better.

* * *

**Swift Contact**

"_Stay with me"_

_I told you then and you did_

_It was a promise_

_Now you're gone_

_Should I have asked instead,_

"_Stay with me forever"?_

The young nen-user heaved a lonely sigh. Indeed, that was all he seemed capable of doing now. It was amazing how three months ago he would never have imagined himself to be so down as this. Three months ago, he would not be traveling rough places alone; there was always that cat-eyed companion of his. His best friend…naturally, often much more…

Gon Freecs was alone. And never had he wanted so much as a familiar face.

And that was precisely what brought him to the bleak alley. The few lamp lights flickered in the darkness. It didn't help that the cold smell of dawn was making his nose itch. He sighed again and took a tiny folded paper out of his wallet and squinted. His apartment should be around here somewhere…

* * *

Incessant knocking echoed throughout the room and the disheveled, dark-haired man sprawled on the top of a cheap mattress growled. Blearily opening one eye, the alarm clock's face swam into view and he hollered a curse: 12:30 AM. Who the _fuck _would want something with him in such an ungodly hour? He had barely had 15 minutes of sleep—the surgery he handled was just too long—and he was having such a fine dream, too! 

The knocking persisted and he sighed. It must be very important if they'd bother to make such an impromptu visit. Could it be a patient? What if some person was dying precisely at his door, and he was not able to do anything just because he failed to acknowledge the visitor? This thought jolted him slightly awake.

Muttering something about duties and keeping his vows, the man, wearing nothing but a very thin shirt and a pair of boxers stretched up and made for the door. He looked down to see the face of one he had not expected to see, not in a few years.

"Gon?" he whispered, too shocked to speak any louder.

"Hello, too, Leorio," grinned Gon. "Mind if I bunk in?"

* * *

Half an hour later, Leorio handed a mug of hot chocolate to Gon across the table. He took the liberties of preparing some instant miso soup, too. While they waited, he helped himself to some coffee and observed his old friend critically. Gon had grown taller but he was still a midget for his age. His naturally tanned skin was just the same hue as his kind, chocolate-brown eyes. His finely built body emitted that same strong but warm aura that earned everyone's trust. Leorio smiled—Gon was exactly the type of kid girls would die for. 

Despite these facts, there was something unnatural about him as well. His gait was slumped and his eyes lost their usual cheerful glow. And Killua—why was Killua not with him?

As his mind drifted to these things, Gon spoke ruefully, "Your Ten has improved."

Leorio have him a wide grin. "Course! Heh! What—you think I'd spend all those years just studying and curing people? I wouldn't want to waste my other potentials! I can't wait to show you my Hatsu!" He guffawed and Gon smiled. They were silent for awhile but it was a thoughtful silence; both too occupied with their own thoughts.

"Here." Leorio pushed plastic cup of steaming miso to Gon. "Ain't too much, but it's pretty tasty when it's steamin'. You look like you haven't been eating much."

"Thanks," was his only answer. They both ate silently, each of them drowned in their thoughts. Leorio scrunched his brows at the very intent expression on his companion's face. It was years since they met, but the young doctor knew that Gon only held such an expression when something very grave had occurred. For some reason, he felt the night's occurrence was cataclysmic—his instincts, sharper than ever told him that.

"I just don't feel like it, recently."

"Huh?" said Leorio, snapping from reverie.

Gon looked up from his half-empty bowl and smiled. "You said I don't look like I haven't been eating much. Well, that's 'cause I don't feel like it." He paused and Leorio waited; he was not disappointed because the boy continued. "You know, that feeling… the stuff that I used to enjoy seem so—tasteless. It's like an illness, but it isn't. It's just…" He sighed again.

Mulling this over, Leorio slurped up all his remaining miso, not caring if it scalded his tongue. Wiping his mouth, he smirked. "Sounds like love sickness to me, kiddo."

"E-eh?" stammered Gon, red-faced. He smiled sadly down at his miso and continued sipping it silently. "I guess. I guess you're right."

* * *

Leorio plopped down his makeshift bed with a huff. He forced Gon to used his own bed, despite the protests. He was too frustrated with Gon's silence. Why wouldn't he tell him anything? Through the darkness, he squinted at the huddled form of his friend on the bed and sighed. Gon would tell stuff in his own time. A long time ago, he would've pestered the little guy until he spit all the juice but now… Leorio chuckled to himself softly, murmuring. "I'm getting too old."

Just as he was dozing off, his mobile phone vibrated; these days, he kept it near him just in case an emergency came up. He opened the message and read:

_Good morning. Forgive me for disturbing you but I'll be coming around at 0500H. I hope I won't be a nuisance. –Kurapika_

Leorio whistled, torn between surprise and pleasure. "Well, I'll be damned. Heh. Gon will be so surprised in the morning." He checked his watch and upon seeing that there was still a few hours before his blonde friend's arrival, decided to set an alarm and dropped off to sleep.

* * *

Gon's eyes felt heavy but his thoughts refused to let him sleep. Memories haunted him. 

A groan passed his parted mouth. He knew leaving Killua would be difficult but he didn't expect it to take such a toll on him. He missed him sorely. Often, he thought whether or not Killua understood his reasons. But no matter. He had to leave—it was no good for the Zaoldyeck heir to stay with him.

"_Killua is not here, Illumi," said Gon, watching the Killua's eldest brother with apprehension._

_He smiled cryptically. "Don't worry. I know that my younger brother is ten minutes away from this area.. But for the moment, he is not my concern."_

"_What do you mean?" _

Gon inhaled sharply, bringing him back to the present. He often dreamed of that night—the night Killua and he had been racing to the Central Park on the Trilobite mission. He closed his eyes and concentrated his thoughts from that memory, in vain.

"_Don't be alarmed. I won't be doing anything to you," whispered Illumi. That blank expression remained etched on his face. "Not yet."_

_Gon stepped back defensively. "What do you want?"_

_His stiff costume crackled as he stepped forward. "Stay away from my brother."_

_The words made Gon furious. "You still haven't given up on that? Killua will do as he pleases. He is his own person. He will not be anyone's puppet." _

"_You don't understand," he shook his head, as though conversing with an imbecilic child. "You will stay away."_

"_I will not."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because he is my best friend."_

"_Best friend?" Illumi laughed; it was an unpleasant sound. he stopped abruptly before adding dryly. "You've been together for years now. I daresay he is much, much more than a 'best friend'. Tell me, how far have you gone? Do you renew friendship vows while fucking for hours?"_

_Gon found his face reddening in embarrassment and anger. It was true that they have "gone far". But he will not allow anyone to just ridicule their friendship. "I will not answer you. But if you speak another filthy word, I will fight you, whether or not you are Killua's eldest brother."_

_Illumi raised a mocking brow. "Oh? A threat?"_

_In a burst of feeling, Gon said, "I care for Killua, and I will protect him the best I can. I won't let anything—anyone—stand between us."_

"_He is the heir of the Zaoldyeck. The whole of our clan stands between." He disappeared and came up from behind Gon, whispering softly in his ear. "And I know how to hurt him best."_

_With a growl, he swiped an arm behind him but Illumi was too quick. It didn't help that Illumi's words were starting to disturb him. _

"_You shouldn't feign ignorance, Gon Freecs. You know well what I mean," said Illumi, appearing some feet from Gon. The tight-lipped smile illuminated by the lamps chilled the young boy's heart. Then and there, he knew he had to make his choice._

_And the only choice he was allowed froze his insides with despair.

* * *

_

The faint scent of coffee woke him up. Rather, he _thought_ it was the scent of coffee that woke him up. It took some minutes of stillness and voice recognition to realize what exactly it was that got him awake.

It was sound of muffled moans from the kitchen area.

Alarmed, Gon swiftly jumped off the bed and was about to run for the kitchen. But he halted immediately as he heard a distinct "twack" and the clear ringing voice of a friend he had not heard of in years. "Leorio, if you meant to be romantic, I'd rather you tasting like fresh earl grey tea than that cheap coffee and dried saliva."

That got Gon sitting back down on the bed, wondering what exactly it was that happened in the other room. But then, he wasn't sure if he really wanted to know.

Leorio's soft growl could be heard from where he was sitting. "Aw, c'mon. Such a kill joy."

"Kill joy? I better leave then."

"WHAT? You're leaving? After making me wait up to this ungodly hour? After—mmpf." More muffled moans ensued. Slowly comprehending the "situation" in the other room, Gon blushed hotly under his natural tan. But it also got him thinking about Killua.

Plunging his head back onto the bed, he closed his eyes and muttered. "Killua, what could you be doing now?"

* * *

Three months. It has been three months since Gon left him and around two months since the encounter with Karuto in the Fine Isles. The hide of his thick boots crunched in the forest dirt. The scent of the forest reminded him too much of what he lost—often his stomach would churn in nostalgia. But he decided to travel this way; since Gon was being stealthy, he too had to be stealthy. He knew Gon was taking forest and mountain routes such as these and sighed. Searching for Ging was a piece of cake compared this search. For one thing, there was no rush—and the days were mostly fun. That was more like a game. But this…this stemmed too much desperation, too much emotional ties. It was tiring, and in no way fulfilling. The road seemed too far, and even he knew that the journey has hardly started. 

He could remember the afternoon he left Zhocolát. The old man Arthurio was so weak and drained from Karuto's puppet technique that he had to nurse him back to health for a week. As much as he wanted to go, his conscience berated him. Gon would have stayed. That thought alone made him active. After all, it was his family's fault that the owner of the famous shop was in a pinch.

"_What do you plan to do now?" asked the Arthurio. That last afternoon, the old man's health was back to full bloom. He even served some newly baked éclairs and a mug of hot choco loco to the Zaoldyeck._

"_I'm going to look for Gon. I won't stop looking for him," he said resolutely._

"_Even if he doesn't want to be found?"_

_Killua found himself in an eye-contest with Arthurio. After a full minute, he sighed. "I don't fully understand why Gon left. I'm sure it has something to do with…but that doesn't matter. Gon wants to protect me. I hate it that he has to suffer—that we both have to suffer like this. He needs me. Even if he runs away, I'll find him and force myself if I have to—just to make him understand that he's not alone in this."_

_The elder sighed and sipped on his cup of mocha. "When you meet him, can you say all this so calmly? Even if you don't admit it readily, I understand that you are deeply frustrated and angry with the situation. 'Why didn't he tell me? Why did he leave me? Was there no other way? Doesn't he trust me?' Those questions are undoubtedly running through your head whether or not you are aware of them. So you must be ready when you face him. Else your emotions might get the better of you."_

"_Don't be ridiculous, old geezer," he said lightly; both of them knew he wasn't try to be offending. "That won't happen to me."_

_The man raised his brow. "Really? But even the best nen-users have their moments."_

"_Zaoldyecks don't have moments," he scoffed._

_Fiodor Arthurio shrugged. "We'll see. We'll see."_

Killua pulled his pale hair back into an untidy pony and slung his bearskin backpack wearily. Traveling alone made him reflect. The old man's words weren't empty warnings and he knew he was a fool for ignoring them. But he didn't want to think of those things now. All that mattered was finding Gon.

As the days came and went, Gon seemed to step farther and farther from him. In desperation, he decided to enlist Kurapica's help a week ago. He knew he should have done it earlier, but pride and self-sufficiency prevented him from making an early call. Vaguely, he supplied the minced details and asked to be contacted in case the blonde would manage to contact Gon. He also mentioned that he would be visiting Leorio, and even suggested that he stay there and create the search team. Thinking about it now, Killua's chest felt lighter. It sounded pretty much like old times. Except that Gon was not there with them…

Stepping out of the canopy of trees, the pale lad emerged on a top of a hill. Gingerly, a map was pulled from his breast pocket and flattened at his palm. He peered down at the city of Peorth below—which looked more like a rural district than anything else. Now, all he had to do was look for Leorio's house, have some breakfast, and everything would be peachy…

* * *

"WHAT?!" 

Gon jumped at the screech from the kitchen. He was just dozing off, too. Rolling on his hips, the teen flattened his feet on the floor just as Kurapica barged into the room.

"G-Gon! You're here!" he stammered. The boy looked up at him wide-eyed and surprised at the other's reaction before grinning toothily.

"Hullo, Kurapica! Nice to see you, too." With that, he jumped over to the blonde, laughing and punching the other's chest playfully.

Recovering, Kurapica closed his fingers onto Gon's wrists and pronounced seriously. "You're still the same kid back then."

"Really, huh?" said Gon sheepishly.

"Well, no," murmured the older man softly. "You've changed."

Gon didn't know how to respond to this. Leorio entered just as Kurapica said, "Where's Killua?"

His brown eyes widened like saucers at the mention of the name and he quickly pulled from the blonde's grasp. "Did he talk to you?"

He didn't answer. Leorio looked from one to the other and said. "Gon, I don't really understand what's happening but I've been thinking about it since last night. Not once did you mention Killua. Where is he? Did you have a fight?"

Gon bit his lip until the iron tang seeped into his mouth. "I'm sorry, Leorio, but I can't tell you."

Kurapica and Leorio shared a look of disbelief. After all, Gon was never the one to be mysterious and secretive. Unless… "Does this have something to do with his family?" asked Leorio.

The dark-haired teen looked away. Kurapica's clear and gentle voice rang in the silence. "Tell us some, at least. We'll listen."

The three sat down in the dining area. The scent and fog of steaming coffee wafted in the air, giving the room a smoky atmosphere. Gon clasped his mug and spoke. "We—didn't argue. I just had to leave."

The two didn't speak, so Gon added. "The heir of the Zaoldyecks must spawn a child at the age of sixteen. It is the rule among them. Killua is the heir. By now, he should have one."

"So…?" muttered Leorio slowly. "What's this got to do with you?"

Gon merely looked down at his cup before continuing. "I'm in the way. So I left."

There was a stunned silence. Leorio angrily banged his fist on the table. "Who the _fuck_ fed you these shitty ideas?"

"Shh. I think there's more to that, right Gon?" said Kurapica, casting a glare at the doctor.

Gon shook his head, as though swimming in a far off dream that was too hard to shake. "Killua…if I'm right, he's a father now."

"How could Killua be a father? That's not possible," heaved Leorio, rubbing his own head frustratedly.

Kurapica shook his head at his companion's sluggishness. "If he's old enough to have sex, it is not an impossibility. Since Killua is a healthy adolescent, the sperm count can also be assumed--"

"I _know _that," glowered Leorio. "But Killua and Gon obviously are...heck! Gon, who told you these things?"

"If I stay with him, they'll hurt the mother and their child," he continued, ignoring the question. "I can't let that happen. You all know what their family is capable of. I don't want Killua to blame himself for those deaths. He's gone so far from that part of himself that he wanted to overcome—it might destroy him."

"Gon, who told you these things?"

Looking up at the steely gaze, he whispered. "Illumi."

The doctor's jaw dropped. "_FUCK_! You listen to that asshole?"

Kurapica held onto the Emission user's arm. "Leorio! Shut up!"

Gon stared at his fuming friend and bit his lip. He knew they would be angry if he said anything. What in the world compelled him to speak out, anyway? Pushing himself up, he turned away and secretly asked them forgiveness before speaking chillingly. "I knew it. What was the point of saying anything when you guys wouldn't understand?"

They were dumbstruck at the tone. Only now did they hear the boy use such a cold voice on them. Kurapica tried another tactic. "Gon, please, calm down. Leorio is just frustrated. We are all worried about what's happening. This is not like you."

"I'm sorry. I just can't tell you any more than this at the moment," murmured Gon apologetically, clenching his fists. Now was really not the time to waver. He chose this path after all. And why was his head hurting like that? It seemed close to bursting. It seemed to be screaming incessantly—calling to him to Run. If he doesn't run, he'll hurt them all with his selfishness. 

With that, Gon calmly made his way back to Leorio's room and, before his friends could make another move, he was back in the kitchen. The wearied bag was once again slung over his shoulder.

Leorio's face darkened. "Gon! You can't be going already!"

The young boy's face was set. "I must go now. I shouldn't have visited in the first place—not when things are still a bit nasty."

Kurapica raised a brow. _What did he mean by that? _"You mean…you want to take care of all this alone?"

The tanned nen-user didn't answer; they knew it was a 'yes'. "Then," said Leorio. "You won't give us a choice? We're not even allowed to help an old friend. I can't just let it go at that!"

"There's no other choice," said Gon earnestly. "You must understand. I can't involve you guys—especially you, Leorio. They'll not just come after you—they might even use your patients. They won't stop. They'll never stop."

Kurapica shook his head. "Gon, that's why you need our help. You will not be able to resist the Zaoldyecks by denying our assistance. By running away from your friends, by abandoning Killua—"

"I had to! If I didn't I—" Suddenly, the hairs on Gon's nape rose in alarm. Wide-eyed, he murmured. "Killua—he's coming here!"

"Yeah—Kurapica, weren't you telling me earlier that Killua would be—" The blonde's warning glare shut Leorio immediately. But the meaning already dawned on the boy's expression. Without a parting look, he jumped for the front door like a hunted deer and sprinted.

_I'm sorry, everyone!

* * *

_

Goosebumps rendered the alert Zaoldyeck paler. It has been sometime since he felt that familiar presence. His mouth parted into surprised words. "Gon, He's here."

Killua could feel the blood pumping in him, almost screaming for contact. Even his alter ego, dominated and folded away, seemed to acknowledge the aura of the lost partner. Everything about him was yearned for Gon. He had to reach him.

So concentrated was he in this need, he overlooked and completely forgot the presence of his old friends in the area. He hardly cared that the air crackled with energy where he passed by, causing faints and mild shocks to innocent passersby. All he cared for was running after that fleeing light-footed doe. Just as Fiodor Arthurio predicted, his emotions were getting the better of him. And, against his own will, he could feel the months of pent-up anger and frustration flaring within him as he felt their distance widen. _Gon, you selfish bastard..._

Something cold wound thrice on waist and twice on his wrists. Glowing chains of nen bound him—even the fierce energy running within him seemed to become heavy and weak. He wrestled against the chains to no avail and growled at the Kurapica, who gazed at him evenly.

"I don't care if you're my friend," he began dangerously. "But if you refuse to release me now, I swear I'll kill you."

"Is that a threat?" said Kurapica, eyes glinting slightly. Changing his tone, he murmured calmly. "Stop leaking all that energy. We won't be able to catch him if you do that."

"'We'? So there's a 'we' here? If you're really concerned about catching Gon then you should release me now while he's still near enough to catch."

Leorio finally came from behind, huffing and catching his breath. Loosening his collar, he growled at Killua. "Oye, there. Stop this now, kiddo. Can't you see the damage you're doing? You're sucking out the air in this place!"

Gon's aura was getting farther and farther away. In the coldest tone he could muster, Killua said, "Move away."

Kurapica tightened the chains. "The inhabitants of this city will suffocate if you go on like this. Their bodies cannot adapt and—"

"_MOVE ASIDE!" _A blast of pure nen crackling with electricity shot out in an even circumference, draining energy and air as it came. Just as Kurapica readied himself for the current, a nen shield appeared in front of him. It was Leorio who conjured it just in time.

"Leorio! When did you—"

Leorio turned to him and grinned. "You can thank me some other way later."

"Show off," Kurapica muttered in breathless relief. Recovering from the attack, they looked up to see Killua seething in his chains. His eyes were beetle black now, and they knew he had lost control.

Leorio looked around at the narrow street and frowned. He could sense the wide range of Killua's energy and the adverse effects it was giving to the people in the area. This madness has got to end. "Make sure you hold him in place," he ordered Kurapica.

"What do you intend to do?"

He turned to him again and winked cheekily. "That shield and medicine ain't the only thing I learned these 4 years."

Kurapica watched amazement as Leorio altered the shape of the shield. To normal people, it would only appear as a fuzz in the air but any seasoned nen-user would see that the shield had transformed into a glowing nen sword. "Whatever you do, don't let go of the chains."

The blonde answered this by slipping an additional coil around the Zaoldyeck's body. With that, Leorio ran and rammed the energy sword into Killua's chest. The boy's eyes widened in shock and fell listless. The shocked Kurapica released the chains as Leorio's sword dissolved into balls of light and returned to his body.

"Killua—Killua! Wait, he's still alive. What did you do? Your hatsu—" said Kurapica as he cradled the younger boy, more confused than frantic.

"My hatsu's kinda cool, huh? I can use my nen as an energy shield and sword. The guy who taught me said that I'd be able to use it simultaneously through practice."

"You ran your sword in his chest…but there's no blood."

"Ah. That's another thing about it. The objects I create only absorb energy, enough to weaken but not to kill. He'll wake up later, but he'll feel a bit drained." Leorio bent over to take Killua from Kurapica's arms but the blonde shook his head. "I'll carry the kid back to the house so stop fussing. Look around and see if the citizens are okay, will you?"

"Yeah. I'll do that. But, do you think Gon is…"

"He'll be okay. We can't run after him like this. Also, I can sense that he's hidden himself completely and has gone far now. We'll find him together later."

"Hmph. All right then." Kurapica piggybacked the unconscious Killua and went off for the direction of the apartment when Leorio stopped him. A too-happy grin was plastered on his face. "Well? I deserve a reward right?"

Kurapica raised his brow. "For a job sloppily done? I'm sure Killua will want to blast you later for running a blade through him."

Leorio placed his hand at the back of the blonde's head and pulled their mouths together. Their mouth's wrestled furiously for a minute until they broke contact; Leorio huffed and Kurapica flushed. "You morally corrupt medical practitioner!"

"Not up for PDA?" he grinned, ruffling the shorter man's head until the hand was swatted away.

"Certainly not. Your kiss never does improve," Kurapica retorted.

"_What the_—for your information, the girls I used to date enjoyed making out with me." The blonde gave him a chilly stare. Sheepishly, he added. "And you were clearly enjoying it!"

"Well, I am clearly not a girl." Tiptoeing lightly, he whispered something at the doctor's ear which brought a pleasant shiver up his spine. A red flush spread across Leorio's ears and neck. Smiling at his victory, Kurapica adjusted Killua on his back and made for the apartment. "Later then."

Shaking his head, Leorio muttered. "That blondie will be the death of me." As he walked on the streets to check on the affected population, his thoughts returned to Gon and to the sleeping Killua. He absolutely couldn't understand Gon and certainly pitied Killua.

"Wherever you are, Gon, I hope you know what you're doing."

* * *

_Yey! Other characters to the rescue!_

_Yeah, I know Leorio and Kurapica are a tad bit mushy. But they really struck me as a couple in the series. You know, the type of couple that'd be squabbering through time. The story is getting weird, but I'm weaving slowly through the plot. Does that mean I'm weird, too? Hahaha._

_Anyways, I just invented Leorio's hatsu. For those wondering, materialization and emission operate on similar principles and have similar outputs. However, that of the materialization is much more rigid (has lotsa rules and deals)._

_So, don't forget to read and review! Thanks!_


	5. Changes

Been a long, long time since a last update. But I did say I'm slow in updates right? If you want my reasons, I think I mentioned them briefly in the recent chapter of my Gokusen fic.

And no (in case you wonder), I am not promoting my Gokusen story by mentioning it. My flimsy excuses on late updates are cited there. So there. (Grinning. I'm sleepy. Huh, where did that come from?)

Thanks to those who've constantly read through this story. I hope I don't end up disappointing you guys. I'll try, for the sake of practicing my writing and to please my readers. Heehee. So here's the latest chapter! Hope you like it!

Sidenote: I absolutely hate all the "helping" fnet is doing. Grr.

* * *

**V. Change**

_I didn't want it_

_But it came._

_And now I'm swept into the_

_Uncertainties of fate._

_I twist, I fumble_

_Now,_

_I look back and wonder:_

**_Will you ever come back?_**

The forest he entered had towering trees, enough to block the sunlight. It gave the area an almost cold feel but he tried to enjoy it, knowing he would revel in it more if he had his best friend with him. It has been a full day and a few hours since his encounter with Killua and he felt sure that he already covered a great distance. He knew it should reassure him, but he felt too tired and depressed to rejoice. He missed Killua too much. It simply took all of his energy just to run away from him. It was as though a burst of adrenaline just sent him pumping away and before he knew it, Killua's aura was no longer there. He hadn't even had one proper glimpse at him, hadn't even managed to check how he was doing. For sure, he knew Killua was confused by his actions but Gon knew he already had some idea over his reasons, especially since he had unintentionally mentioned some things to Kurapica and Leorio. He knew all three of them—especially Killua—are angry at his escape. The young boy smiled sadly to himself; he would have been angry at himself, too.

Gon halted his steps abruptly and squinted. For some time now, the ground had been elevated, as though the woods were rising into a hill. A mist seemed to gather as he gained altitude, which is also normal. What is not normal is that the animal sounds have stopped. Closing his eyes, he scanned the area with his nen and was alarmed at the absence of animals in a hundred meter circumference. Someone else was there, he was sure. For a moment, he thought his friends had somehow managed to find him. Directing his nen to enhance his already heightened sense of smell and sound, he breathed and listened—and flinched as he detected that familiar aura. It certainly didn't belong to Killua or the others—that hint of a sick, pinkish aura was one of the last things that he wanted to encounter. Sighing, he frowned and said,

"I know you're there."

There was a high chuckle—almost a giggle—and the son of Ging shuddered involuntarily. From the hazy mix of white and grey smoke emerged a blue-haired man, donning a squeaky leather joker suit, sharp blue-red combination. His pupils were hardly visible through his slanted eyes but even without looking, he already knew it was gleaming with barely-contained glee.

"To have noticed me even without announcing my arrival—you've certainly grown a lot," said Hisoka, cocking his head from side to side, almost pouting.

Gon didn't know how to answer this but he smiled sincerely and returned the other's look unblinkingly. "I have, I think."

"And you didn't even inform me?"

This time, the boy grinned. "I still have a lot more to learn anyways." Though he wasn't comfortable seeing Hisoka, he was certainly a familiar face, someone acquainted with the world he seemed to be escaping from. A world he wanted to belong to with Killua.

Hisoka shrugged and grinned, almost magnifying the size of the painted star and teardrop under his eyes. "Don't be too modest. We're almost on a same plane now, and frankly, I'm eager to try it out."

The suggestive lilt in his tone alarmed Gon. "Did Illumi send you?"

"Eh?" gestured the Joker with mocking tones which was all lost on Gon. "Why ever would dear Illumi-kun send me to you?"

"Oh." Gon felt himself sighing in relief. He really was in no mood or shape to fight right now. For some reason, though all he had done was run and hike without stopping, he felt seriously drained. Not knowing what else to say, he asked. "So, what are you doing in these parts?"

"Nothing in particular," said the other nonchalantly and started walking towards Gon again. "Well then, I'll see you again when you're in better shape."

Gon's eyes widened. "Did you come to check on me?"

"Probably. I really wanted to fight you but," he paused just in front of Gon and touched the boy's chin. "I changed my mind."

Noticing the confusion in his wide, brown eyes, Hisoka murmured lacily, "Who wouldn't want a…taste of you? Delicious, ripe fruit. So tempting. I can imagine. _So, delicious_," he licked his own mouth hungrily and Gon was too frozen to look away, not to mention he was too freaked out and confused to interrupt. Regaining his senses, he violently pulled away.

"Hisoka! What do you want?"

He didn't answer him. Instead, the Joker sighed. "Such a beautiful fruit."

Walking off to another direction, Hisoka disappeared into the canopy of trees leaving only a whisper of inaudible words ringing into Gon's sensitive ears. "Pity you're infested."

* * *

Leorio rubbed his hair in frustration. "Look here, kid. I know you're pissed and all but you should at least talk to me."

The only remaining survivor of Kuruta came in the room just as Leorio spoke, bearing a tray of sandwiches and hot chocolate, and immediately knew that things had not improved. The moment Killua had woken up, he screamed for Gon. After calming him down, he was told what happened; the boy refused to speak a word since then. Kurapica sighed. From the looks of it, he blamed them for stopping him from catching Gon. The Zaoldyeck refused to spare the doctor even a glance and ignored the tray that was set beside him.

"You must replenish your lost energy as soon as possible, Killua," said Kurapica in the most matter-of-fact voice. "We will be unable to help you find Gon if you yourself are in such a weakened state."

The mention of the name got the pale teen's attention. After a few minutes, he reached out for a sandwich, took a bite and, as though suddenly hit by hunger pangs, started shoving the sandwiches into his mouth.

"Ehh…I can't believe you have the strength to eat like that—and after I used my special move on you," said Leorio, shaking his head in disbelief. Killua's hand stopped midway towards his mouth and the blonde gave the tall man a pointed stare, with which he replied with a shrug as though to mean, _what did I say?_

After a few minutes, Killua shrugged, too, and said, "I'm just too strong for you, old man. And that move wasn't really _too _special—you just took a berserk animal by surprise."

Though Leorio was relieved that the younger one had finally spoken, the comment was too much to just let by. "Tch. The proud _always _excuse themselves that way."

Killua shrugged, a smug expression on his face. "And the weak _always _think they're too strong for their own good."

"Now, now," interrupted Kurapica, daring Leorio to interrupt with his acrid stare. "It's nice to see that both of you are in excellent condition to argue. But you should concentrate on recovering your energy, Killua."

Another nonchalant shrug. "I'm just peachy so no worries."

The room was silent once again. Kurapica brooded on the young Zaoldyeck through half-lidded eyes. He had expected him to lash at them angrily for hindering his chase. But there was nothing reproachful in this silence, nothing vengeful. Killua's face actually seemed more sad and thoughtful than anything else.

Shifting towards the wall, the teen slowed his eating and murmured almost inaudibly. "I'm sorry."

The two adults stared at Killua; with his back turned to them, they could only see the strong back and the fluffy and unruly hair tied into a short messy pony.

"I thought I'd be just cool if I saw Gon again. I wanted to see him very much. I thought I only missed him. I didn't realize that I was so angry at him for going like that," he chucked bitterly. "I ignored the old man's warning. I thought I wouldn't lose it. And I did."

"Who's the old—" but Kurapica silenced Leorio again; Killua was obviously not finished yet.

Luckily, Killua didn't seem to hear the interruption. Shaking uncontrollably, he buried his nails into his palms until they bled and ploughed on, unused to confiding any of his thoughts to anyone other than Gon. "There _have _been problems with my family but we agreed to stick together. He told me we'd hold on. One day, he was just _gone_."

_Nothing but a stupid little nen-note. And he told me we'd always stay together. He said he'd never leave me. Gon, you bastard. _

He fisted his bangs, red staining the fiery white bundles. As much as he wanted to thrash everything in reach, to destroy, he couldn't—not without staining the conscience that Gon shared and taught him these four years. He had come so close to doing that; he couldn't afford to lose control again. As it was, the tears refused to come to him.

Kurapica's normally calculating eyes softened; he knew exactly how the other felt—to lose those which mattered so much to them. No words could thaw that numbing pain.

Suddenly, Leorio stood up, approached the bed and, without warning, punched Killua.

In a more comedic situation, he might have flapped his arms in the most uncharacteristic of manners. As it was, the blacklist hunter was too surprised to even gasp. Finally, Kuparica managed to sputter, "Leorio! What in heaven's name—"

"Eh?" the fist remained intact, rubbing deeper into the white head. Leorio grinned as though it was the most natural thing in the world. When the lad refused to respond, the doctor instantly grew serious. "What have you become? A fucking vegetable?"

That comment brought him to life; he swiped a clawed arm at the one holding him down. Leorio evaded him smoothly and looked down at him through his sunglasses. "Fuck _off_, geezer."

"Fuck yourself off, brat," and with a pause, added. "I forgot. You're pro'ly too _weak _to do even that."

Eyes flashed. In a second, the Zaoldyeck was on the doctor. In a minute, they were outside the apartment, fighting it out amongst the dirt and dust. Kurapica sighed and shook his head. Often, Leorio's ways were too crude. But he understood the other's motive behind this. It hurts to see the fiery youth so degenerated. And the one reason for it was…

"Gon." Kurapica shook his head forlornly. "I hope you really know what you are doing."

* * *

"What am I doing?"

It was a stray thought which was soon drowned by the need to survive. Gon collapsed against a bark wall. The cave that he found was inside a gigantic tree. He could sense its age and the formidable strength it used to face all seasons and weathers. From it, he took refuge and prayed that he had the same strength. A long time ago, that was all he aimed for: strength. It was all a game to see who was the strongest, who will survive. But as he traveled and grew older, he realized that he valued something deeper than that—a need for strength to do what is right and to protect what needs be protected.

Something wet nudged at his fingers. Looking down, he saw a brown squirrel. It squeaked at him once and dropped an almond it had been holding to his open hand.

"Thank you, little friend," murmured Gon. His bond with animals had grown better, too, over the years that most animals think of him as one of them. He grinned to himself as he munched the nut gratefully. Perhaps he was an animal at heart. Gulping once, the youth stretched and lay down amongst the grass while the squirrel snuggled close to him.

It was near midnight when Gon woke up. The squirrel was already gone but he left a pile of almonds beside him. Famished, he ate some of it hungrily and placed two pieces into a hole on the bark as an offering to the generous tree that sheltered him. Sitting at the entrance, he looked up at the half moon, slightly obscured by the tiny wisps of clouds. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and remembered…

_It was a night like this, two year ago, when things started changing between them as friends. _

_They lay side by side on the bed, talking about the day's events, which then ended up in a significant amount of horse-playing and mischief. Gon tickled Killua savagely, inciting stifled laughter as he tried to pull free. It was so sudden—just a brief moment of contact—when Gon's hand brushed with Killua's groin…and it happened. _

_Eyes wide, Gon fell back on the bed. Both of them lay supinely, eyes straight on the whitewashed ceiling, shoulders touching. Gon didn't know really understand why he was so surprised—it was normal for boys to get an erection after all. Killua, truth be told, always came and went whenever he watched X-rated movies and was actually quite vocal and proud about that. Even he—but that was another story. _

_The fact was, the room seemed to loom and the nearness of their bodies, both clad only in loose boxers, was a shock. A strange feel of anticipation and thrill seemed to race through his body. _

"_Gon?"_

"_Mm?" said Gon, torn from his strange thoughts._

"_Sorry."_

"_What for?"_

"_For—well, because…crap! Forget I said anything."_

_Gon could feel the heat from Killua's turned head. "Killua?"_

"_Yeah?"_

_With a deep breath, Gon made Killua look at him and said, with all his honest heart. "I love you, Killua, and you're my best friend in the whole wide world forever."_

_Killua blush, illuminated by the moonlight, went a shade deeper. Chuckling softly, he murmured. "You're so corny, you know that." Impulsively, he stroked the long spikes of black and finally whispered decidedly. "I—love you, too, Gon. But I don't know if I still want to stay as just best friends." _

_It was then that Gon made his decision. Rolling sideways until his face was buried in Killua's strong shoulder, he gingerly placed his arm over his chest. He felt his friend's tense surprise as something hard rubbed against his lower hip. "Gon…"_

"_You're not alone," came the quiet reply. With a shift of positions, Killua's mouth was on him. _

_Things changed between them that night, they hoped, for the better._

Everything changes. Gon shook his head and sighed. Seriously, he seemed to be sighing a lot recently. "I wasn't hoping for this type of change, Killua. I hope you do understand, somehow." With that thought, he lay his head again on the makeshift bed of twigs and leaves and fell once again into an uneasy sleep.

* * *

"You both didn't have to push it so much," scolded Kurapica as he tended to the two's injuries.

"You sound like a mother hen," chuckled Leorio. "OUCH! Weren't you supposed to be healing me, not adding to my list of hurts?"

"That's for the unnecessary pertness, _old man_." The blonde was satisfied at the glowering expression Leorio gave him. Irately, he rudely pointed at the pale haired boy just opposite them.

"I've had enough from our kiddo here and I'm _not _putting up with the same shit from you, _blondie_."

Kurapica shrugged and turned to Killua. "I'm actually glad you managed to hold back, Killua. Else I'd have to find a way to put this pitiful excuse-of-a-man piece by piece. (Leorio waved his hands in protest and was silenced by another pinch) Of course, you'd be obliged to help me if it came to that end," there suddenly a steely and dangerous note in his last words. "Fortunately, it all came out well, right?"

Even a hard core killer would feel uneasy under the blacklist hunter's stare. For sure, Killua shifted uneasily in his seat and wondered why Leorio didn't seem to notice any tension. "Yeah...um, good for us. Haha." Grinning at Leorio to change the topic, he added. "Glad to see you toughened up, old geezer."

The doctor winked. "Glad to see you hadn't lost your touch. I'd say it's quits."

"Quits my ass. I was winning. If it wasn't for Kurapica halting the fight you would've been—" he meant to finish with _smithereens _when he suddenly paused to fight a shudder at the cold, cold look the blond guy was sending him. "I _mean_, it would've been bad for both of us."

"I'm glad you're better now, too," said Kurapica, shifting to a more serious tone.

Killua looked down. In the fight, he lost all the tension and most of the anger he had been bidding. And it was a long time since he had a neat fight. "It will be a long time before I do become better."

Leorio's hand rested on his shoulder and for the first time in a very long time, he felt at home. "We'll be with you, buddy. Let's find that lil punk so you can beat the sense into him—and maybe I could add a punch or too."

"I may be forced to join in if you don't wear him out too much." Smiled Kurapica.

_Yes, _realized Killua with a nod and a little smile. _I forgot. I still have these friends. Friends. _

"Yeah! We'll be unstoppable!" Stretching briefly, he looked up at the starlit sky, wondering how his best friend was doing. _We'll be coming for you, Gon. Wait for us._

Whipping back at them with a toothy grin, Killua said, "But first, let's go eat! Fighting makes me hungry!"

* * *

I know some stuff are still vague...but the plot is trickling out slowly. Hehe. That's all. ,

Tell me what you think? Please review! Thanks!


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